Transaction: sex for a clean apartment
We live in a world of transactions and are involved in them from the morning when we open our eyes to the evening when we close them again. Transactions do not have a place only in shops or at work, but they have also become part of relationships, including those at home.
Most people think of transactional sex as a relationship between prostitute and client, sugar daddy and sugar baby as the most obvious - sex for money or material goods, but without emotional attachment. Less often, people recognize the transactional sex within a couple, although it happens more often than one might think. Sex is meant as a reward for positive behavior or a defense against negative consequences, as a way of saying sorry. Some call it emotional prostitution, a transaction within the relationship and, as such, a silent killer of the latter.
Transactional sex is hidden and often comes to the surface too late when we are already deep in the relationship. Despite this, it does not happen overnight, and it is mainly women who are subjected to it, although men are not far behind. At the beginning of a relationship, sex is, in most cases, a reflection of desire, lust, and love, but the dirty truth is that pleasure turns into a transaction for some couples. Unfortunately, this is not rare, and, come to think of it, it has happened to me, even though I really enjoy sex.
There were two times when I was unable or afraid to say what I wanted. My boyfriend then invited me to dinner at a fancy restaurant. I don't remember very well, but I know I was excited because I didn't go to restaurants like that since, at the time, I was a poor student without any real money. I dressed as if I were going to the theatre and prepared myself for a beautiful experience. Everything was as I had imagined, but as we drove back home at a late hour, I thought he deserved a reward for taking the time for me. I was tired from a hard day, my stomach was full, and I was in serious need of a bed. That didn't seem right, so I forced myself to reward him. Like a dog when it finally learns to give a high five.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy sex, but I felt empty when I rolled over on my back, panting. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to articulate it then, so it happened again when I knew the end of the relationship was imminent, but I didn't want to let it go.
Everyone tells us that sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy, but sometimes talking about sex, even in a couple, is difficult because we treat it as a sensitive subject, a talk in which the individual feels the most vulnerable. Still, on the other hand, it allows the connection between two individuals. Transactional sex, on the contrary, is digging a bigger and bigger hole. Another attractive and hazardous feature of transactional sex is that it puts the individual who performs it in a position of power over their partner, further deepening the gap.
The "I give, you give" system also refers to favors within sex. Of course, we are all willing to do our partner a favor, but in the transaction process, we want something in return: "I'll ride you if I can sit on your face later." The results of a 2020 survey showed that such people are unhappier in sex because they prioritize equality in sex over the pleasure that sex is supposed to give. These are mainly people who are afraid of intimacy and connection. But sooner or later, measuring sex will bite you in the ass and invite dissatisfaction into the relationship.
Even though we swear we would never pay anyone for sex, some couples do it every day, unaware that it is happening, except that sex is not rewarded with money but favors, or sex is a payment for our efforts. Unfortunately, this happens to all of us at some point. We can be the ones who pay for it or use it as a means of payment. Nevertheless, it is true that transactions should stay as far away from the bedroom as possible. There must be only space for pleasure, intimacy, and total commitment.