Troubles between the sheets

Some are smaller, some are bigger, sometimes we have it, sometimes our partner does. The consequence of all the problems listed below, however, is a lack of sex. Probably we all faced at least some of those problems and took an extended holiday far away from sex.

Asexuality

Asexuality does not fall under the scourges I was thinking about writing the introduction. This is a condition that can cause dissatisfaction of the partner and consequently of the asexual person. Asexuality exists. From the twentieth century on, asexuality was considered a psychological disorder and was also called a hypoactive disorder of sexual desire. Since then, we recognize asexuality as:

"absence of sexual desire or lack of wish to have sex with another person."

What all asexual people have in common is that they do not feel sexual attraction. But that doesn't mean they can't feel anything. Besides being sexually attracted to people, we also want to share a romantic relationship with them; we want the chosen person to touch us. We want to be friends with them or feel a purely emotional connection. In an ideal world, we should have a bit of everything in each relationship. An asexual person may experience all of the above but is not sexually attracted to a partner.

One of the theories claims that asexual people still have libido and even want to have sex, mainly for the following reasons:

• satisfaction of libido,
• to conceive a child,
• to make their partner happy,
• to feel physical pleasure during sex,
• to gain the partner's attention.

Still, others argue that asexual people do not feel the need and desire for sex or attraction. If a person encounters a lack of desire for sex and the doctor does not find a physical or mental problem behind it, we define the person as asexual. Nevertheless, many questions about asexuality remain open, including if asexuality can be temporary, such as in the elderly or disabled. 

Once again, it should be noted that asexuality manifests itself differently in each individual; some feel sexual attraction, some have no desire for sex all their lives. Asexuality cannot be cured and is considered one of the sexual orientations today. Asexuality does not cause discomfort, but at the same time, it can cause problems in relationship with a person who is sexually attracted to a partner.

You can watch a short film based on a true story at the link below:

Sexual dysfunction

Everyone has already faced a lack of desire for sex. We prefer to watch a movie or focus on work instead and then fall asleep, without having sex, without even missing it. When our abstinence lasts for a more extended period and begins to affect the relationship, it is time to consult a doctor if facing a sexual disorder. Sexual dysfunctions are several conditions that have in common a lack or loss of desire for sex. They can be physical such as vaginismus, failure of genital response, premature ejaculation, dyspareunia, or they can have a mental cause. These occur due to traumatic sexual experience, nymphomania, and primary loss of sexual desire.

All of the above can be divided into four categories:

• low sexual desire disorder (people lose interest in sex),
• sexual arousal disorder (our head would have sex, but our body wouldn't),
• orgasmic dysfunction (again, the head is into sex, but the body does allow you to have an orgasm, which can cause frustration), 
• physical disorders.

In contrast to asexuality, there are always reasons for sexual dysfunctions. Dysfunction does not fall from the sky, nor are we born with it. Possible reasons for the loss of libido are:

• low estrogen levels,
• low testosterone levels,
• hormonal changes,
• breastfeeding,
• menopause,
• high blood pressure,
• diabetes,
• stress,
• fatigue,
• relationship problems,
• certain medicines.

If we suffer from sexual dysfunctions, we jeopardize the relationship. If we don't know how to talk about it, our relationship is doomed to fall apart. As the situation does not improve, we begin to suffer in silence or look for other distractions. We are obsessively shopping, dedicating most of our time to our kids and work, or we are searching for a new sex partner. So it may be better to talk about the problems and see a doctor.

Fear of intimacy

Being intimate with someone means being close to someone. We can share everyday activities, experiences, or interests with a particular individual, we can enjoy shared debates that make both of us happy, we can share emotions and connections, or we can be only intimate in bed. Such people are often perceived as lone wolves, but they are sympathetic and likable until the relationship becomes too deep and they find themselves facing a wall. Often, we perceive them as angry and cold. Still, behind the mask, they hide other problems such as low self-esteem, mistrust, episodes of severe anger, avoidance of physical contact, complicated past relationships, complex expression of emotions, enormous sexual desire.

Most likely, the reason for fear of intimacy lies in childhood or in past experiences. It is possible to be intimidated by new relationships because of past bad experiences to the extent that we are no longer able to trust new people. We are afraid of rejection. We are worried that someone would leave us. However, instead of trust, we simply choose to sabotage the relationship and replace the past with the present:

"One of the biggest problems with sabotaging a relationship is that we behave in the present as if we are still in the past. It's important to realize that certain painful things have happened - once! They're no longer part of our daily lives, so they need to be understood as an experience. "

People who are afraid should be aware of this and open up, and in doing so, they should not be scared to confide their problems to their partners and hope for the best. However, if problems are too severe, we should seek professional help.

Listed above are just some of the most common problems with sex and intimacy. There are quite a few other conditions that affect the course of a relationship and sexual intercourse. An important way of resolving the dry sheets problems is an open conversation with a partner. Until then, enjoy the other things and don't burden yourself too much; sex will come. Slowly but surely. 

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