Oh, I have to go to work, hurry up, yes, I am coming!

Has anyone ever faked an orgasm? Man or woman? Men are likely to shake their heads and wave their hands, and point fingers at women. Are we really just women masters of moaning and screaming loudly, just to leave us alone so we can finally deal with what we've been thinking about all the time during sex?

I started thinking about fake orgasms while watching the new Netflix series Sex Education. In the introductory scene, a guy doesn't experience an orgasm during sex, so he fakes it.

More than anything else, I was surprised that orgasm is faked by a man and not a woman because we are the ones who are faking it almost without any effort. We can scream loudly and say that we have experienced a great orgasm. It was so strong that we can continue having sex, and we quickly offer a hand so that our partner will be satisfied, get dressed, and go doing things around the house. We leave no evidence behind. We can only be more authentic if we do Kegel exercises, and at the moment when we are having a fake orgasm, we squeeze our muscles hard enough, and everything gives the appearance of a real one. 

This is also why men point at us several times: we don't enjoy sex, we only use it as a tool to please others, we don't appreciate it, and we don't know how to enjoy the moment. These are just some of the most common complaints. 

Very personal

I faked an orgasm a few times at the beginning of my sexual journey myself. Not because I couldn't enjoy sex or because of a lack of time. I was even looking forward to sex, but the guy was simply deff for my desires many times, and during the awkward teenage period, it was a shame not to experience an orgasm in bed with popular guys full of hormones. And when, after only ten minutes, they were relentlessly approaching orgasm, and when the sentence came between sighs: "I will come," I replied: "Great! Me too!". I sighed loudly and tried to catch the tone of the voice I let out at the actual orgasm. Case closed. 

Later, when I actually knew how to enjoy sex, I faked an orgasm a few times, quite simply because I didn't want to be the one who never experiences an orgasm unless it occurs at oral stimulation. I even thought I was weird. In those cases, I couldn't blame anyone. They were always giving me enough attention, but the orgasm was nowhere to be found. 

Nevertheless, I eventually learned to talk about these things. Did it take me that long? Yes, it wasn't until less than a decade later that I realized I needed to say what I wanted. Of course, my requests and instructions were not always obeyed, but I could relax and experience the actual orgasm in most cases.

What about men?

Men can also fake an orgasm. More challenging and less likely than women. But they can, especially if they are wearing a condom. There are also myths of men spitting to women's backs, but every slightly more experienced woman knows that spit is difficult to compare to sperm, neither in structure nor in temperature and quantity. So it is much easier for a man to fake an orgasm, especially when he is wearing a condom. He quickly takes it off, ties it up, and throws it in the trash, hoping to be overlooked by women. 

Why fake it at all?

The reasons are similar in both sexes. We fake it mainly out of a sense of shame and to avoid wondering why it fails. We all strive to achieve our happy endings. The fairy tale needs to end up with marriage, sex with orgasm. As is the case at parties, we drink alcohol to give us courage, we are more relaxed flirting, and end up in bed with a complete stranger. The problem occurs when too much drinking stops an orgasm. 

In past experience, I've learned that it's not worth faking orgasms. I know what suits me, and I know I have to say it. There is no reason to fake an orgasm. So, in the future, I will talk more, share the secrets on how to achieve an incredible orgasm, drink less, and stop worrying if my fairy tale of that time does not have a "happy end". The path is also perfect, not just the "grand finale".s

Cover image: June Intharoek, Pexels